Icarus Drowned

No, Gordon.  Greed is not always good.  Sometimes it is a terrible idea and results in catastrophic losses.  After living the dream of three figures, Scott and I got greedy and decided to roll it all into games last weekend.

As happens to many survivors of traumatic events, I cannot recall the specific details.  I just know that somethng very bad happened and by breakfast Tuesday, we didn't have any money.  I've news for you Mr. Z, not only do your problems increase with more money, lack of money also creates its own set of problems.  For instance, no capital to make more money. 

While most people would fold up their tents, Scott and I will use this as a teachable moment.  Let's recap some gambling rules that should never be broken:

1) Only bet half of the fund.
2) Only bet each game once.
3) When a shitty team gets hot, and you've picked them - enjoy it, don't make it a habit.
4) They're called "Sharps" for a reason.  That reason is because they spend all season figuring out the lines and you spend all week in the office.
5) It's bowl season and no one plays defense in those games - time to ride the over.

Time to get back on that barstool and make this debacle bigger....

It's All About The Benjamin

A big breakthrough game tonight.  ASU not only covered, but they won outright.  This win takes Scott and I into uncharted territory - 3 figures.  We are now playing with $115.50! This is going to be the biggest weekend ever.  So many games, so many ways to lose....

Fun in the Sun

After a highly successful Thanksgiving weekend, we are ready to get back in the saddle.  Today provided us with two realistic options the Arizona (-5.5)-Arizona St. game (where everyone wins because they go back to those campuses stocked with America's hottest women) and the Eagles (-8)-Texas, where people keep trying to decide if they like Mike Vick.

Being that we regularly over-think all the angles to our bets, this week was no different.  While I fully expect Vick to have field day with Houston's defense, it is also his third game in 11 days.  The laying of 8 points did not help matters either.  That is a lot of points in the NFL and Houston is unpredictable.  This would also mean that I would have to watch the Eagles vs. Houston.

The alternative game was the battle of hotness (literally - it's a desert, and figuratively - honestly, is the application by photo only?!).  The line is much more interesting (5.5 points), and there is no question that the math team from either school is hotter than the cheerleaders from the NFL game, so when they cut away to crowd, it will be easy on the eyes.  The other reason this game is appealing - Arizona State has been very good at covering all season long, and broke my heart at the outset.  I am a glutton for punishment.

 
In more exciting news, we now have $97.50 to gamble with thanks to Scott's sterling 3 team super pick.  Setting aside the false starts, we are just a few good picks away from really being able to leverage this thing into some real cash.

Looking forward to the weekend we like the following lines (for now):

Buffalo +180
Dallas (+5.5)
Seattle (-6)
UW (-6)
South Carolina (+6)

Once, Twice, Three Times a Winner

After some serious defeats, we were again left to consider how to best make our next move.  Double down? Retire? After looking at the Friday morning lines, it was obvious - Go bigger than we've ever gone before - A three team road dog parlay!  This was Scott's call.  I am sure you can understand my initial skepticism, but he sold me on Auburn, Oklahoma and Notre Dame, all on the moneyline. To ice this cake, Scott bet the family and took his Reno Wolfpack (+450) to shock the world, or at least the Reno and Boise Metropolitan areas.  End result - $97.50 in winnings to play with moving forward.

The Good, The Bad and the Scott

Being a successful gambler is tough.  I've spent a lot of time with hedge fund guys who always equate what they do to gambling, and none of them seemed to ever have to work this hard to make a buck.

This weekend's villain was the Weatherman.  You know, the guy with the looks and a smile to be in sales, but actually much to dumb to remember the products he's trying to sell.  Yeah, that guy.  Anyways, that guy led us to believe that Boise State and Fresno State (since when did every city get statehood?) would play in blizzard followed by Cal and Stanford playing in a monsoon.  Unders all around!

Well, Fresno must have wagered on the under too, because they decided to play it safe and not score.  That was a good call since Boise put up 52 points.  How did they put up 52 in a blizzard?  Simple, there was NO BLIZZARD!!  Regardless of weather.com's incompetence, our under parlay was still alive and the by looking out my window (and the leak in my roof - sigh) our second under was looking good.

Fast forward to Saturday morning, and my being awoken, not by thunder claps and heavy rain, but rather blinding sunshine.  Sure, sure, I do live in California, but weather.com told me the sky would cry.  It didn't.  The immaculate Andrew Luck transformed himself into Peyton Campbell (half Manning-half Earl) and had Stanford to a 30-0 lead that half, more than half way to 50.5 points.  By close of the 3rd quarter, the dream and the parlay was on hold.  Again.  Oh, and Michigan sucks.

Just when the entire weekend was about to washed out, I thought to myself "it's okay.  There still the Bills (+200) over the Bengals."  After doing some Sunday chores, I tune in and see the Universe smiling at me.  Not with me, but at me.  34-7 Bengals.  Dejected I tune out, only to get a call later telling me I needed to check out the game, the Bills had rallied, and were winning!  That call, wasn't actually a call.  It was just Gus Johnson the announcer of the game, and I could hear him 2000 miles away.

In my excitement, I text Scott to share the good news, only to learn how Julius Caesar felt on those ides of March.  Scott had not placed my favorite bet of the weekend.

We are back in the mud.

Brokeback Betting

The definition of insanity is repeatedly the same thing and expecting different results.  In our first weekend, we were 0-3 with parlays.  We changed it up on Thursday night and had good results, actually our only win.  But much like Jack Twist just didn't know how to quit Ennis, Scott and I can't quit those parlays.

So we are taking our success and going with the following parlay - Boise/Fresno State under 66 in the snow and Cal/Stanford under 50.5 in the rain.  We've also got a ticket for Michigan(+160) at home over Wisconsin.

On The Road Again...

The golf cart is finally out of the mud!  The Monsters of the Midway did not disappoint our heroes, besting the Dolphins 16-0.  Now, under the aforementioned flexible rules of the exercise, we are now going to take half of our winnings and place another wager.  Right now the Bills (+200) to beat the Bengals look really good me.  I looked at the college lines and a few Big Ten games seem reasonable, but nothing is calling out to me.

It might be time to call in the degenerates...

Through 7 days here is our balance sheet - Total Wagered - $50.  Total Won - $10.50

Bear Rally?

After some soul searching we've decided to reevaluate our gambl...er, investment model.  Rather than try to line up two stars, we're going to try and just pick winners.  For now.  So with that in mind, we scoured the lines and are starting this week with a simple moneyline bet on the Chicago Bears to beat the Miami Dolphins.

Our logic behind our bet is this - the Bears are actually starting NFL players, whereas the Dolphins held tryouts following Monday's Dade County Softball League games.  Tyler Thigpen won.  You probably recall his thrilling training camp with Kansas City Chiefs when the nation was his parents were riveted by his competition with Brody Croyle and Damon Huard.  Unlike Monday's tryout, he lost that competition and all but one of his NFL games that year, splitting the season series with the JaMarcus Russell led Oakland Raiders.

Let's just say if we can't pull this one off the universe is making a strong statement about its feelings toward Scott and I.

The Mush(es)

As Mike McDermott said in Rounders "You can't lose what you don't put in the middle....You can't win much either."  And so with that, Scott and I again must pick ourselves up off the deck.  Funny thing about the parlay, half right is all wrong. 

After our first weekend, we've placed three tickets for a total of $40, and have $0 to show for it.  This might take a little longer than we first thought... 

Phoenix or Spruce Goose?

As soon as I concocted this scheme with Scott we were virtually assured of a few speed bumps.  I am reminded of a quote from the great American statistician Jimmy the Greek - "The best feeling in the world is winning a bet.  The second best is losing."  He was obviously didn't get out the sports book much, and did not live to see the internet.  If he had, I think he'd be singing a different tune because watching this makes me feel much better than thinking about yesterday's defeat.

This brings me to my second quote of relevance - "You only fail once you stop trying."  With that in mind, and the ability to make up the rules as we go along, Scott and I are dusting ourselves off and getting back on our golf cart.  It will take a lot more than an inability to actually pick winners to keep us from our goal.  To wit, we have placed two bets today.  Mine is a two team parlay - taking the Pats moneyline (+190) and the over of the Lions/Bills (43.5).  Betting on Great Lakes Semi-Pro League games is not my specialty, but sometimes the numbers are just too inviting.  Scott took the over on the sun rising in the west.  I might have to reevaluate my choice in friends.

With a little luck, we'll rise like a Phoenix.  Reality says we'll probably resemble the Spruce Goose bouncing along the harbor.  Either way, we're not failures...yet.

The Catastrophe

Well, that did not take long.  Two bets, two losers.  Four if you count Scott and I.  Seriously, who saw Cal and Oregon combining for 28 points?  I knew Arizona State was frisky, but Stanford has been sharp and getting better.  Compounding this set back was the distain I received from the Department of Planning and Acquisitions (wife) concerning my condition when I returned home.  She was not nearly as excited about the sale on 30 packs as me.

Thankfully, the rules are flexible and our analysts are breaking down today's NFL lines to get us back on our way to coastal Oregon.

The Idea

I'm George.  I like golf and I like to gamble.  I'm also friends with Scott.  He too likes golf and lives in Reno.  This weekend we are starting our mission to play Bandon Dunes for $10.  How can this be possible, you ask?  Simple.  Gambling!  Starting this weekend we have each put up $10 and placed a $20 parlay bet - Oregon (-19.5) to beat Cal and Stanford (-5.5) to beat Arizona State.

The rules are simple (and flexible).  IF our initial bet is a winner, we will take half of the proceeds and place another bet.  This will continue until we (a) crap out (not unlikely) or (b) are enjoying a Triple Hendricks with a twist (Scott's cherry to this fantasy) after a glorious 36 hole day of golfing nirvana.

If all goes well, we'll be able to amass enough to cover this after March Madness.  Of course betting on the NBA is frightening, but with a little research and help from other degenerates, we believe that the American Dream can still be ours.